4-Step Method
Practice constructing an example from our own experience. Think of a recent situation where you experienced angry and fearful temper. Write out each step in the space below. Be brief and objective.
Step One
Report a situation—an everyday event when you began to work yourself up. Describe what happened: specifically, what triggered temper and symptoms?
Step Two
Report the symptoms you experienced – both physical and mental. (For instance, angry and fearful thoughts, confusion, palpitations, disturbing impulses, tightness in your chest, lowered feelings, sweaty palms, and so on.)
How would you rate your discomfort on a scale of 1 to 10? (1 mild to 10 very intense)
Before: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Step Three
Report your spotting of fearful and angry temper, the RI tools you used to help yourself, and your self-endorsement for your effort.
Step Four
Describe what would have happened before your training—the reaction and discomfort you would have experienced:
Rate your reaction and symptoms after using the tools in this workbook on a scale of 1 to 10.
After: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
Endorse yourself for your effort or any improvement.
Max’s Example
Step 1: I was waiting for a friend, and she was late. That’s when I started getting worked up.
Step 2: I was clenching my jaw, thinking angry thoughts.
Step 3: I was afraid she blew me off, that she didn’t care to show up. I was angry she kept me waiting. I spotted that I should excuse, not accuse, that I shouldn’t take it personally – maybe she couldn’t help it. I endorsed for realizing I could control my reaction.
Step 4: Before this, I would have yelled at her when she got there, we would have fought, and it would have ruined the whole evening. Now, I can relax and figure out a plan B.
